Hercule Poirot (Kenneth Branagh) returns for another remake of an Agatha Christie classic. Poirot finds himself a part of the wedding party of Linnet Ridgeway (Gal Gadot) and Simon Doyle (Armie Hammer) on board a cruise ship on the River Nile. But when one of the wedding party is found dead Poirot must discover who the killer is before more people die. 

I really enjoyed Kenneth Branagh’s first foray into playing the great detective in Murder on the Orient Express and it seems like we have had to wait forever for this second instalment. Initially scheduled for release in December 2019 the film has been delayed due to Covid and has had a curtailed publicity schedule thanks to a slew of scandals related to its stars. Unfortunately the wait has not been worth it with the film feeling a bit of a muddle and the end result being merely “okay”. 

So what to tackle first? 

How about the mishmash in presentation that awaits you. The film features some of the worst CGI and green screen backdrops that you will see. So much so that I almost wondered if it was perhaps an attempt to make it feel like a studio film entirely shot on the backlot of a major studio in the era that it is set? Which to some extent might account for the fact that the sets and costumes on show are second to none. Whilst we are on the ship or in the music establishments at the beginning and end of the film you will feel like you are there as much as the green screens suggest no one went anywhere near Egypt. Deliberate or not it has a pretty jarring impact. 

Next we can discuss the acting which is equally all over the place. Branagh is excellent as Poirot as he was in his first film. He is arrogant and pompous in equal measure but still lends the character some heart and neuroses. Gadot and Hammer have moments of supreme overacting in their lead roles. Whilst other actors put on some distinctly off putting accents. Jennifer Saunders, Annette Benning and Rose Leslie all seem a little at unease with their efforts. Ultimately the eclectic cast never seemed as interesting as in Orient Express and it seemed a little obvious who the culprit was. 

Finally though are two of the weirdest story choices. Firstly the prologue/epilogue sequences which feature an origin story and ending for Poirot’s mighty moustache which feel both highly pointless and also physically unlikely (although I am not a doctor). Secondly the incredibly bizarre and comical sexual innuendo that feature in the opening dance sequence and visit to an Egyptian temple. Subtle they are not. Unintentionally hilarious they are. All in all they seemed incredibly out of place. 

These though are the issues holding it back from being an incredibly entertaining film rather than what sink it in the Nile. There is a reasonably entertaining drama buried in here, it is just a shame that delays, budget and some bad artistic decisions have hampered it. 

In later years I suspect you will return to the Orient Express more than the Nile.